As people become older and perhaps more infirm family members often become concerned about those relatives, particularly if they live alone. Perhaps they have some sensory issues or have had periods of ill health or occasional falls.
At this point the possibility of residential care may be a subject that is discussed. Residential homes have a purpose and I am sure the many such homes are excellent, and in some cases the only safe place for a person. Perhaps the person is prone to leaving the house on their own and possibly not dressed appropriately or going out at an unusual time.
Sometimes acute illnesses may need nursing care within a residential home environment.
I think we have to look at this issue with some thought for the reasons we are considering a home; are we thinking of ourselves, and our own peace of mind? Or are we thinking of our relative?
In truth of course we think of both the person and our own worries. Busy lives often mean we don’t give the attention to an elderly relative that we want to or perhaps family history and issues may mean for some reason that it is difficult, we live in a world unfortunately where divorce is common place and families can be at odds with each other over issues that may last many years. I have to say that most of the time, with parents at least they have committed at least 18 years to us and some input from ourselves can be no more than the commitment they made.
But we should consider the changes that moving into a residential home can bring and the other options available.
When a person goes into a home it is likely that most of their possessions will not travel with them, due to reasons of space only the most important personal items can go with them, sometimes the odd piece of furniture.
Perhaps you own your own house? I am sure you can remember the first time you moved in and that building started to become your home, there is a deep satisfaction in living in your own home (mortgaged or not). Working to pay for it and knowing it is yours to adjust and modify paint and decorate as you wish so it becomes your home. Many people end up staying many years in one place, the neighbourhood also becomes a home, friendships develop, and routine is place. It feels safe – you know where everything is, the shops, the doctors, etc etc.
I have had experience in residential care both working within it with people with learning disabilities and also in visiting older ex-clients who have moved into residential care. Some homes are fabulous and some less so, but one thing is always clear to me. The changes can be difficult and perplexing for someone in their 80’s or 90’s; it can lead to depression and deepened confusion, we all need roots to work from. Most homes have policies in place to help people adjust. But for me I think it would be like going to bed one night and the next morning waking up on the moon.
So what am I saying?
Home Care is one alternative to a residential home, though we know if a person’s health deteriorates then they may be admitted to a Residential Home, we can support people to stay many years longer in their own homes rather than take this quite final step. I know the choices for relatives is difficult, but transferring the worry to a care company can help you relax and know your mum or dad is in safe hands, they will be checked on, we will make sure they eat well and take medication as required and our staff will be interested in them, support and encourage them to do as much as they can. This stimulation and social interaction will help the brain stay fit. Company, and a feeling of usefulness, respect and achievement goes some way to reducing the malaise that can set in as you get older.
Occupational therapists can visit homes and advise on ways of reducing the possibility of falls, special equipment can make sure heaters and appliances are not left on. Life-line Care systems can be put in place so the person can just press a button if they are in difficulty and someone will answer.
There are of course exceptions not everyone accepts growing old with resignation.
I recently visited a 90 year old lady who was still more than able to ‘argue’ about politics and fend for herself, she lives in her own home, rides a bicycle to the shops every Friday and still does the crossword every day. She is always dressed and in perfect make up and coiffured hair. Ok she may not sport the latest fashions – but they often come around!
She has no surviving relatives, apart from a niece who lives hundreds of miles away, but she has always made it very clear she would not go into a home; she has lived in the same house for over 50 years. Her company is a couple of ragged moggies, the radio and the carers and the district nurses who visit, she looks forward to their visits, and is ready to tell them off when they suggest that riding a bike might not be the best thing for a 90+ year old to do. She loves to hear about their lives and entertains them with stories of her own life while they assist her. The carers cost roughly a third the cost of residential care, in fact even having a live in carer would not be much more than a residential home.
Some older people go into homes to please worried family.
It is always a difficult decision but we must think of the person, not ourselves.
